Sunday, December 21, 2008
To this post I write to the girl that never talks back. She guides me to where I need to go and she takes me all the places I want to go. Without her I'd be lost and for this I say... GARMIN, I LOVE YOU!!!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
How about I work in reverse... I feel privileged to be a grown man and not have to sound out my words still... Unless I'm spelling words like Methionylthreonylthreonylglutaminylala... which I'm pretty sure those PHD holders throw darts at a board when coming up with a name for chemicals. What I'm getting at is how privileged I am to have an education. I see many around me who aren't afforded the same opportunities and I see where it really is a great blessing. A blessing to know how to spell, punctuate sentences, read, write, use proper grammar, think correctly and who knows what else. As I sit here and listen to this man sound out words that I'm pretty sure my nine year old niece can spell I can only feel blessed.
Among something else that I feel blessed for at this time is the blessing of employment. How grateful it is to have job and not just a job but a good job in this time of turmoil. Many of those around us aren't as fortunate as us to be blessed with employment. Earlier today I overheard a conversation of a couple saying they only had $18.12 left. Wow, holy hell I don't know what I would do if I looked at my account and that's all I had left. I mean I've definitely been there before when you look at the account and you're like "whoa that's all I got left", but that was in times of college and that never really happened.
Well time to move on since he's gone from onlinebootycall.com to now onlineaffairs.com! I hope for his sake he does get laid whether it's online, in person or with just himself. HAHAHA I'm sorry that was bad but I can't help it, the man is talking out loud about where he's at and what he's looking at. The poor mans' biggest struggle in life is trying to figure out the perfect nickname for the affair website. I wish that was my biggest struggle! I was going to help him and give him a name to use but it's pretty humoring to listen to all the names he's trying to come up with that aren't working for him. I'm doing some serious "LOLing" in this little booth. He just sounded out the next site he's at... "www.bigbitches.com" I don't recommend you going there and surfing the site. I just asked him if he needed some help to see what exciting might happen and I got to type while he dictated the "a little about me" part of his profile. I wouldn't dare write on my blog what I typed for him. Well I'm really going to move on I could write this entire blog about this guy.
Well my life has been quite interesting to say the least. I've been living in Raleigh, NC since July, until the beginning of December, and now that I have finished covering for Rachel, who was on maternity leave I am now out in my territory on New Bern, NC. I just moved here last weekend and all I have to say as I am so in love with New Bern. I'm pretty sure I just found my resting place. This town reminds me of Logan, UT just without all the Mormons and a lot more black people... And the fact that it's on the Pamlico Sound which just so happens connects to the Atlantic Ocean. It's nice being on the coast of North Carolina and being only 40 mins from some of the best beaches this country has to offer.
After moving to New Bern, to find out from the roommate that the landlord was selling the house and I no longer had a place to live, needless to say I was a little pissed, maybe almost worried. Though put your trust and faith and Him who is above and things will work out as they should. I luckily found a place in downtown New Bern, which is where I initially wanted to be since it's the Historic District with all the old houses and downtown life. Let's just say this... It's the Shiznito! It works out perfectly too. My roommate who happens to be in his 50's is actually married and lives in Wilmington, NC which is south coast and he's only here Monday night through Thursday night for work and then he's gone home for the weekend. You can find me on Google Earth Here. Don't be jealous even though I can sense it, there's a little bit of jealousy in your reading... I'm pretty sure I'm in love with where I'm at. Now the goal is to just work hard and keep my job forever I suppose. People have told me they get burnt out and tired of what we do. I just chuckle and say well consider me one of the few that plans to stay here and do what I do for what I make.
As I awoke to my alarm clock and then sat in be reading for awhile before I decided to get up and get ready for the day. I was reading the account of Alma and Amulek, and there account of calling upon the people of Ammonihah. What great faith they had! To stand strong as the priest and lawyers tried to contend with them and catch them in their words so they could kill them. Think of how strong their faith was in the power of God. I was pondering while reading and asked myself... "How strong is my faith in the power of God?" "Do I put all trust in the God?" "Am I one to always stand for what I believe in with nothing wavering?" These are the questions that I thought about as I drove around today for work and thought back to the last few years and how I lacked in the areas I questioned, but how I've worked diligently the last while to exemplify those things. I think it brings great comfort to the soul to know that one is on the right path and doing what's important not only to them but to the man upstairs. You can't make up for the time that you've lost in your past but you can work hard and diligently throughout the rest of your life and do what you know you should be doing. I can't help but to be thankful for the blessings I've been given in my life. I need to do what is important now to show thanks and gratitude for that in which I've been given. I extend that challenge to you to everyday wake up and throughout your day do what is important to show you're thankful for what you've been given.
With these words I leave you:
May the roads rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rain fall soft upon your fields
And, until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.
Yours always and truly
Monday, November 17, 2008
I want to share with you my love and share it with you endlessly. I want you to understand that I reach out to you with the deepest fiber of my soul to tell you that I love you, and that "To Love is to be Free, To be Free is to Listen, and to Listen is the greatest way to say I love you." -Phelps
When one truly finds themselves they must ask where, how and in which way they did. One must search deep to find out the meaning of these things because this will help one to find out what one truly wants in life. You must ask yourself "what do I want in life?" Do you see the glass half full or do you see the glass half full...
Why would someone ever want to see the glass as half empty. Life is full of so many opportunities and maybe at times it seems like things might not be the best or that things will never go your way, but you must realize that everything happens for a reason... A good friend of mine and I have a saying, "coincidence, I think not." I think life is full of many decisions and it's up to us to choose which path we take. We're here for a reason and although at times it may seem difficult, that's when we need to dig out heels in and hold on.
I have been asking myself a lot lately "what do I want in life?" Over the last six months I've come to know myself again. The person I was four years ago. Somebody that knew what they wanted and had goals to achieve it, but when things didn't quite work out like I thought they should I panicked and ran from what I wanted. I've spent the last three years of my life running from who I wanted to be. I suppose the thought of what I wanted to be and could be was to great for me to handle at that point in my life and instead of embracing it and cultivating it, I did what any insecure person would do and ran from what I truly wanted.
In the words of a good man, no the words of a great man... "Oh God, look out into the beauties of nature and comfort your heart with that which must be - Love demands everything and that very justly - thus it is to me with you, and to your with me. But you forget so easily that I must live for me and for you; if we were wholly united you would feel the pain of it as little as I - My journey was a fearful one; I did not reach here until 4 o'clock yesterday morning. Lacking horses the post-coach chose another route, but what an awful one; at the stage before the last I was warned not to travel at night; I was made fearful of a forest, but that only made me the more eager - and I was wrong. The coach must needs break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road. Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight horses that I had with four - Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome difficulties - Now a quick change to things internal from things external. We shall surely see each other soon; moreover, today I cannot share with you the thoughts I have had during these last few days touching my own life" -Beethoven
Yes this is a love letter from a great man to his dearly beloved who he is away from but when I read it I found the meaning and the symbolization of my life within his words. From my journey was fearful, to arriving at 4 o'clock (maybe Beethoven's and My 4 o'clock are different things) I still have arrived at something that I am striving for. I with my carriage have chosen another path through the darkness of night and I can tell you that it is truly a dark path in the woods with no light for direction. As he so elegantly says "The coach must needs break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road. Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight horses that I had with four - Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome difficulties." Yes there were pleasures along the road, but as he says "a bottomless mud road" which it truly is.
What I say to you at this time is I am indeed grateful for you. I'm thankful that you read this. If not these words just go unread but if they do go unread it would only be a loss to the reader. I truly gain so much from writing these thoughts down and I hope you receive the same joys and blessings from these words as I do. At this time I leave you with these words "Cheer up - remain my true, my only treasure, my all as I am yours. The gods must send us the rest, what for us must and shall be"
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Well for the last few weeks I've pondered a lot of things. I've pondered things about me, I've pondered things about other people, and I've even pondered things about things that aren't about anything.
So what am I pondering today? I think today I marvel at the simple beauties in life. I do apologize that I have left my blog postless for sometime now. I've actually written several blogs since the last but when I'm done if I didn't fall asleep while writing it I ended up deleting it in the morning because I didn't feel like posting it because the moment had past and my feelings had changed.
Isn't it quite dumbfounding how thoughts change your words, your feelings, your actions, or even others feelings and actions. I have this very dear friend who is my bestest bestest friend in the whole wide world. I could say a million things about her, because simple for a lack of better words "she's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" or one could say docious ali exp listic fragi cali super...
Really this friend means the world to me and if you watched the entire video that the link took you to you would wish you had a friend like this. This is the friend that I wrote about back in October because this friend is quite amazing.
Well moving on to something that's been on my mind a lot is forgiveness. The power of forgiveness is a very strong and soul wrenching feeling. Forgiveness is said to be "the process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and ceasing to demand punishment or restitution." I've been struggling for the last few weeks about forgiving myself really. I've made some stupid decisions in my life and although I never regret a decision or choice I've made because great meaning and enlightenment has come from those decisions whether they were good or bad. I just wish that I could have learned those lessons from making wise decisions. It's said that smart people learn from their mistakes, but a wise man learns from others mistakes."
All decisions have consequences and what we do and learn from those consequences is what defines our character. By forgiving ourselves; although, it may seem hard and unattainable at times it is possible. You have to break yourself from those thoughts of imperfections and the thoughts that there's no chance for you. I've learned not to beat yourself up over things. Yes that is the part of the process of forgiving yourself but after so much you have to put it in the past in move on from it so that burden can be lifted. Tupac said it best himself when he said "You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situations; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the F* on."
So I bid you "la paz a su alma" until the next time we meet; whether it be here or there, in this life or after, if you are reading this I love you. I can say that with true conviction because I'm pretty sure I know who reads these and I express my love and gratitude to you. I thank each of you for the examples that you set whether that example be tangible or intangible. Just know you are an example when you least expect it.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
She says to me... "I probably should have pulled off sooner, but I didn't realize that I even had a flat" I looked at her and said, "but you were driving on the rim." I'm surprised she didn't get in an accident.
Well the incident isn't the reason for this post but more the meaning behind what one can learn through the incident.
What does it mean to be selfless? How about "devoted to others' welfare or interest and not one's own," How do we teach ourselves to be selfless though? Some of us our born with the innate sense of being selfless and the concern for the welfare of others. I like to think that I have these qualities but I do have to constantly think of how I can serve those around me.
"A selfless person is one who is more concerned about the happiness and well-being of another than about his or her own convenience or comfort, one who is willing to serve another when it is neither sought for nor appreciated, or one who is willing to serve even those whom he or she dislikes. A selfless person displays a willingness to sacrifice, a willingness to purge from his or her mind and heart personal wants, and needs, and feelings. Instead of reaching for and requiring praise and recognition for himself, or gratification of his or her own wants, the selfless person will meet these very human needs for others." (Peterson)
So I challenge everyone to look for those ways in which you can truly develop selflessness. When you wake up in the morning ask for those opportunities to serve, don't just ask for them, but when they are placed before you act on them. I will tell you this. When you server your fellow brothers and sisters you will be rewarded with things that can't be described. Remember though to remain humble in your service and to serve for the right purpose and not for the praise of man. Keep these experiences to yourself and learn from them. Teach yourself to always be concerned for others and to seek the opportunities to serve them.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
My friend is better than your friend... Don't believe me, you will after this.
I've got a friend that's way to kind,
I've got a friend who makes me smile,
I've got a friend that makes me laugh,
I've got a friend that's never sad,
I've got a friend that's never mad,
I've got a friend that's always glad,
I've got a friend that's way to glad,
I've got a friend that's always there,
I've got a friend who loves to stair,
I've got a friend that's way to fair,
I've got a friend I can't describe,
I've got a friend you can't describe,
I've got a friend that's better than you,
I've got a friend that's better than me,
I've got a friend if you can see,
I got a friend that's best for me...
It can only be best put in words from the Stone Temple Pilots... "If you should die before me, ask if you can bring a friend."
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
As you're waiting for the fog to clear do you turn on the fog lights, do you turn on your brights, or maybe you're real daring and turn the lights completely off?
However you chose to wait for the fog to clear is your choice, but what makes you feel the safest? I kind of look at driving with your lights off is like running with scissors in both hands... You're only destined to trip and skewer yourself some place unfortunate like the kidneys, the eye, your upper lip, or most unfortunate the heart. How many times have we skewered ourselves in the heart? Maybe not with a pair of scissors intentionally, but maybe with how we treat ourselves. Do we wake up in the morning stretch, look in the mirror, and say "damn I can't wait to break my own heart today?"
I feel that lately to often I've "been breaking my own heart." Maybe not physically twisting and pulling and "breaking" my heart, but with the way I treat myself could be looked at and classified as "breaking my own hear." I feel that seeing myself one way and only pondering what I should, could, and want to become, but then laughing and mocking my own thoughts and blowing myself off. If we get mad when someone blows us off, why don't we get mad when we blow ourselves off?
You might ask, but how do I blow myself off, Adam? It's simple actually to blow oneself off. Do you ever tell yourself I'm going to do this, I'm going to live my life this way, or maybe even go to bed saying... "Tomorrow is going to be a new day"? Then we wake up, fall short and forget everything we just told ourselves the night before. IE "blowing oneself off"
We've all done it so don't be afraid to admit it to yourself that you've on occasion blown yourself off for something that you thought was better. I've done if for the last three years. How do I stop blowing myself off you might ask... The first step, as with most first steps... realizing you have a problem. Do you treat yourself with respect? Do you wake up and look in the mirror and ask, "What can I do today to become a better person?" Maybe it can start with just listening to what you have to say to yourself and stop blowing off that little voice inside that so many like to call a conscious. I used to think I didn't have a conscious until one day recently I realized that it wasn't that I didn't have a conscious, it was just that I was to busy blowing it off and doing whatever it was that I wanted to do.
So when you begin to have this self realization of blowing yourself off and that maybe you should listen to yourself, do you turn on the brights or the fog lights? What's the difference in using the brights over the fog lights? I'm not sure if you're aware of what happens when you turn on your brights in the fog but if you're not, you can't see much but a white cloud directly in front of you that you can't see through. So I believe that turning on the brights is almost like focusing on just an isolated problem. You're only seeing the problem that is directly in front of you, and you're not seeing the whole picture and the way out of your problem.
We're not focusing on the root of our problems when using our brights. Sure with the brights we can see really well for about five feet but what happens when we round the next corner and didn't happen to see the 12 reindeer pulling a red sleigh in the middle of the road? I'll tell you what happens, you have about 3 or 4 billion upset little kids (minus those of the Jewish and Jehovah Witness Faith who could care less of the accident). All though, we do have to focus on the problems that are immediately in front of us, we must see past those problems and see that we are greater than these problems and can get through them with "a little help with our fog lights."
When we turn off the brights and turn on the fog lights we're able to see the road and our problems that are directly in front of us, but we're also able to see the roots to our problems and the way past them. We are able to see with greater detail the two yellow lines and how to work our way through the fog that we may at one point drive until the fog clears. That's what this is about. Staying on course until you've cleared the fog. Just because you've cleared the fog doesn't mean the fog isn't going to come back but helps you see what lies past the fog. If we use our fog lights and constantly focus on getting through the fog we may indeed one day drive on a road where we see signs that say "welcome to the fogless road, a road that will never become foggy on you and you can drive without any impairment." Now that's the road I'm looking for.
I've been stuck driving in the fog on the belt line for the last few years but I've now decided to turn on my fog lights and look for my exit. The fog may still be around but I truly am looking for my exit. I'm pretty sure it's just up ahead somewhere on the right. When the fog clears some more I'm sure I wont miss it this time and I'll be just fine, but until then I'm going to drive with my fog lights on and look for the green sign on the right that reads "Exit 7". Exit seven you ask? Do you're own research... I know why I'm looking for exit seven!
For those of you who read this... I express my love, my gratefulness, my sincerity, my heart, and my passions to you... May we all one day "Realize why we're looking for Exit 7 and do it without blowing ourselves off amidst the fog.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?
I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride
Sometimes I just wish I had a carpet full of magic. If I had a carpet full of magic I'd give rides, and not just to extremely hot princesses named Jasmine. It'd be more like a come one come all on my magic carpet ride... "Sorry, limited seating available"
Would I have to turn those away who truly needed a ride, or would I "make a little room"? What about the hitch hikers? Where would they sit? How about on the laps of all the pretty princesses named Jasmine or Yasmin! Oh yeah and there's no judging aloud on my magic carpet ride! I'd have to put a sign in front of every seat that said "Judgers beware lest ye be thrown from this Magic Carpet Ride from extremely high altitudes!"
So this brings me to my real question... Is a Magic Carpet ride the ticket to free oneself? Is this my ticket out? Probably not because I'm pretty sure when I needed it I'd have to tell the princess and the bums "Sorry, my rugs in the shop you think I could get a ride."
My rug isn't really in the shop, it was just made to look that way. Like temptation, is it really all it's cracked up to be? Of course it is! It's there and if your wearing horse blinders please take them off because it's all around us and there's no way to hide it.
From the words of one of my truly enlightened brothers... "Yea, why should I give way to temptation, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?"
Do we let temptation get us down. If so dial 555-ADAM and I'll be by on my Magic Carpet to give you a ride. I say let not temptation get the best of you but you get the best of temptation. Stand up for what you believe I've found and do what's right. Show your true colors at all times and if your colors have faded over the years, quick grab a marker and do you best to brighten them up.
Just remember on my Magic Carpet ride, we'll fly over the roof tops "Over, sideways and under" singing;
A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming
A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But, now, from way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you
Trust me that's what we'll sing and we'll sing it from the roof tops, the mountain tops, and maybe even atop the "A"! But for now I'd like to tell you "au revoir" "adiós" "Tschüs" and "ciao"
Today's enlightenment... "See above paragraphs"
Sunday, October 12, 2008
When you're sitting at the bar of life what do you ask for to drink? Do you ask for something that makes you lose you balance and fall of your stool, or do you ask for a big glass of soberness to help you sit up straight on your stool and help those around you.
Do you find yourself looking around at those stumbling across the room trying to make their way to the bathroom, the girl covering her mouth as hard as she can as she runs to the bathroom hoping she won't throw up before she makes it to the bathroom, or the belligerent man sling his arms as the security staff escorts him off the property?
As the reality check begins to set in as I sip on my glass of soberness I can't help but ask myself, how did I get to this point in my life? Where and what was it that made me decided to choose the left and not quite the right? What got me from point A to point B? Me! I got me from point A to point B, I decided to choose the left but why? A since of disrespect for oneself will get you to this point.
How do you find that sense of respect for oneself again though? Is it through much deliberation and inner soul searching? I believe it takes time to work on ones inner self. I don't think it happens over night either. I believe the need for a sense of change may come over night but whether or not you're willing to take that sense and run with it is up to you!
Today's enlightenment... "ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened"
Thursday, October 9, 2008
What does it truly mean to be free though?
Does it mean that you live your life in a way that you're free from all temptation? Does it mean that you seek to find the greater meaning behind what it truly feels like to "be free"?
As I ponder what being free means to me, I can't help but think it has to be a life with no bars. Physical steal bars, bars & pubs where you meet guys named Micky, or just plain figurative bars that we build around ourselves without even know we're doing it. When we build these figurative bars around us are we doing this to keep other out of our life or are we doing it to keep ourselves out of finding our own true potential?
Is being free simply the right for one to chose his own destiny and the right to making ones own decisions? Do we let others decided our freedom without even knowing it sometimes? I believe that we let society and others decided our freedom sometimes. I feel that to truly be free, one must not say three... but stand up in that exact moment when they should and make the choice that makes one feel most free inside.
Take down your bars... and as the world turns so shall you with it, freely!
Today's enlightenment... "To set yourself free, you must truly forgive yourself of all things!" -Adam Phelps
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I've found myself in the middle of an internal debate. What's right and what's wrong. Obviously I've always been good at making the wrong decisions and thinking that everything was alright with things being that way. Today though, I search for deeper meaning. I want to find myself who I've lost within myself. I need to find Adam.
I've begun to do the things that used to be important to me... The things that once were important that turned into frivolous things of the past. I am going to blog my journey to the never ending land of happiness and you're more than welcome to follow along. I don't have anyone that looks at my blog so I'm pretty sure this is going to be me plotting this so I can come back to read it for myself.
Please feel free to add your input or to shed light on any area of things you feel compelled to.
Today's enlightenment... "Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exrcise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him."
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Well today is yet another day much like the ones that preceded this one and I'm sure it'll be just like the ones to come. In the midst of the hunt for a job you begin to realize how much looking for a job sucks. Then one can only come to terms that once they find a job and begin working it sucks twice as much.
Why can't we live like bums and be happy? The pursuit of happiness seems to me like it turns into the pursuit of a living hell that haunts you the rest of your life. Don't get me started on being responsible either... Responsible Smoncible! That's what I say to growing up. Why can't I just hang out with my friends without a guilty conscience that I'm not living up to my potential? It should really be called "The Pursuit of Contentment" I think. Everyone is striving to achieve a level of contentment that would satisfy their needs to be whatever the hell they really want to be.
Well as for me... I gotta get back to looking for a J.O.B. Or my mom just might think I'm not being responsible!
Free Mischa Barton... ;)