AdRoCK's CaFE

I MAKE HER WEAR NOTHING BUT HANDCUFFS AND HEELS…

2010-08-01T19:49:00.001-07:00

How do you sum up the best year of your life…

How about I can’t wait to follow it up with the best second year of my life, then the third, the fourth, and then eternity. I have to say I’m ~~probably~~ no wait “I am the luckiest man alive!” Why am I the luckiest man alive you ask… Well I’m glad you asked. I’ve got the this chick see and I walked up on her & was almost paralyzed her neck was smelling sweeter than a plate of yams with extra syrup, eyes beaming like four karats a piece just blindin' a nigga!

Excuse my choice of words but how else could you describe this girl without cursing? I mean every morning I wake up and think “DAMN, this is real life!” I pinch and I pinch and I pinch and I never wake up. I feel like I should start carrying around my own “totem” like in the movie Inception. What would my totem be? I don’t care as long as I never wake up from this dream… Wait so is it a dream or is it real life? How many levels deep am I? I don’t care to know the truth as long as this fairy tale never ends!

Today we celebrate the first year of eternity together… How great will it be! Last night we went out to dinner to The Chelsea to celebrate this so called dream and what a good time it was.

I have to thank this woman who has made me a man that I never could have become without her! I thank God everyday for this abundant gift from Heaven. I truly feel like we’ve been searching for each other for the last 25 years until we met. The day I met her I absolutely was “paralyzed!” Not from the smell of candied yams but from the spirit which told me I found her. Everything truly does happen for a reason. She genuinely is a blessing from heaven!

Jessica I am eternally grateful for you and the woman you are. I can’t wait to see what the future holds. I’m in no rush to find out because I wouldn’t want to miss all the great things that will happen on the way there. In the words of Marty McFly “Time circuits on. Flux Capacitor... fluxxing. Engine running. All right!”

Love you FOREVER!

Adam

THE VERY FOUNDATIONS HAVE BEEN SHOOK

2010-07-19T23:27:00.001-07:00

So… I got a problem, and I knew this would happen someday I just didn’t know it would happen so soon. See I got this here thing called the “Top Five” and it’s a pretty prestigious honor to know you’ve achieved “Top Five” status. Once you’ve received this coveted placement you retain your honor forever. The “Top Five” if I forgot to mention is the top five women in my life.

See the secret about the “Top Five” is simple. I’m pretty impressed because my beautiful wife figured out how it works real quick and stopped trying to achieve the number one spot in the “Top Five”. It’s simple, there is no placement in the “Top Five”. Once you’re in, you’re in. No body is number one, and no one is number five. However, there is a certain Caucasian princess that holds pretty high regards in the “Top Five”, but that’s neither here nor there. See everyone in the “Top Five” all equally owns what we can call “shares” of my heart. See diagram:

So now to my dilemma… What do you do when the “Top Five” has no openings and you got a beautiful little girl that has earned a spot with her dazzling smile and angelic like eyes. Also see below:

So after working out several math equations and a ton of graphing I’ve figured out how to solve the problem. So without further adieu, the “Top Five” will from now on be known as the “Top Six”! So I with great pleasure and gratification introduce you to the newest member of my “Top Six”… Kensington Jo Armendariz!!!

This one makes me want my own… I guess it could be the newly formed “Top Seven” here pretty soon…

FOLKS, The Votes Are In… I’m Ridiculous!

2010-06-13T00:41:00.001-07:00

Do you ever feel somewhat ridiculous when you want to buy new things? I’m not just talking about buying new things that you don’t already have. I’m talking about when buy something to replace something that works perfectly. I know I’m talking crazy talk now.

We made a purchase last week that I’m super excited about. We replaced our Sony T200 with the new Sony TX7, which can’t be described without using the word “badass”! The TX7 is like the T200 hopped up on steroids and then jacked on crack!

With the anticipation of the TX7. I’ve been reflecting on the last eight years of my digital camera usage. I purchased my first digital camera in May of 2003. Boy I thought I was badass being one of the first people with a digital camera.

The Sony U30 was my first digital camera. Then I moved from there to the Sony T7, which was leaps a head of its time for digital photography.

Pretty slick isn’t that little handheld. From the T7 I moved to the T200. Which was extremely advanced. A real big move for the CyberShot line.

The T200 has been my favorite by far out of all of the Sony point and shoot cameras. I have a very strong conviction though that the TX7 once I get the system down, It’s going to take the cake forever.

This is going to be sweet. I’m stoked because now we’ll have this to use on our up coming vacation. I can’t wait for that trip!

Well I will say that I love some Sony CyberShot cameras. I do really love my Nikon D70s a lot though. Here’s a picture of her. Don’t want her feeling left out.

I guess in some neurotic way of me ranting about how I’m ridiculous comes to the conclusion that; I’ve lost my mind…

Well I’m off to bed.

BACK OF MY NEST

2010-06-10T21:51:00.001-07:00

The other day my Blue Heron friend showed up to the pond in the back yard hunting for fish. Unfortunately for him he was hunting around my other bird friends nest. I’m not sure what kind of bird the black one is, but if you know what it is let me know.

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On another note I came across these pictures I took of my beautiful new niece soon after she was born. I believe she’s around 2.5 months old now. She’s a pretty precious little thing.

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JOKE…

2010-06-09T22:26:00.001-07:00

What did the fish say when it ran into the concrete wall?

DAM…

Speaking of Dams… Damn I love this woman!

Where would life be without this one here? I’m sure it’d be some where great, but it’d never be as great as this. I’m simply one lucky man. I got a great side kick; that has plenty of badass moves and sweet tricks too. She makes me smile from the inside out.

Even when she tells me I’m being irresponsible because I’m not in the bed at 6 P.M. Some of us don’t like to sleep… And I think I’ve earned my right to decide when and how long I want to sleep. I could see if I was still wearing pull-ups or onesies, but I’m not. Some of us just don’t want to sleep.

Well I suppose I should be responsible and get some sleep now.

In closing statements

I wish my wife’s hair was still long (it’s growing slowly)
Nancy Botwin is a whore, but I still love everything about her
And I can’t wait for our up coming trip… (I think that’s why I don’t sleep)

Anyway, till next time… Live it like it’s over!

FACETIOUS...

2010-05-17T06:29:00.001-07:00

I haven’t blogged in quite sometime…

Things are great here in the state of North Carolina. How could anyone complain about living on the coast of NC, It’s a beautiful place. I wouldn’t mind living in San Francisco, however. We’ve been busy running around lately so I’m glad to have sometime home for the next little while.

I also think my wife is particularly funny. She’s got a good sense of humor. I suppose one would need that to keep some kind of sanity around a character like me.

I’ve got quite the catch and she’s a total babe! She’s pretty much the shiznittle on all counts. We pretty much live a fairy tale love life that most could only dream of on a bad day. She’s my superhero, and I’m pretty sure she’s my biggest fan. I think if anyone deserves any kind of acknowledgement it’s this beautiful girl. She puts up with the most asinine bullshit all day. I should start blogging more about the crap that she deals with,but you can read here blog for that. Blessings be upon her for dealing with that.

I’ve been working on our little garden lately and I’m glad to say I’ve got my first one on the way. She’s bigger now but I’m pretty excited to pick this first one in a week or so.

I was also excited about this find to put in the pond behind my house. I haven’t seen him lately but the little turtle is still hanging around the pond.

This one this past weekend thinks she pretty much had me tricked. She told me when we were looking through the art stuff at ROSS we found these cool little turtles that were all crazy and cool looking. Jess didn’t want one, but Lilly says “Adam, if you buy me this turtle, I’ll love you more than I love you right now, and that’s a whole lot.” So of course I replied with “then lets definitely buy this turtle because I definitely want more love.” She later reminded me later about me buying more love.

This was a pretty good time a couple a weeks ago…

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LETS GET LOST TONIGHT

2009-07-06T20:52:00.000-07:00

WHAT?

You haven't been getting my posts? But I don't understand? I mean I've been posting... I've blogged almost ever night... You mean to tell me that you haven't been getting my posts for the last five months? This just doesn't make sense... Quick somebody call a doctor! Actually on second thought, don't call a doctor. I see them like everyday... They are so overrated!

Back to the post issue. I just can't believe you haven't been getting my posts. I'll have to check with google and blogspot and find out what's been going on... I mean I'm pretty sure I wrote them. I had to of at least posted something in the last five months.

Well I can't recap the last five months in one blog... No one would read it, or would they? I'm sorry I have to sleep tonight and it's already past my bed time so I can't stick my finger down my throat and leave the last five months in your lap or at your feet to catch up on.

I will tell you this, the last five months have been one of the greatest adventures ever. Like whitewater rafting without the water. I've gotten engaged to the most beautiful women in the world, and I'm going to be marrying this "Mare" or should I say "Filly" (since she's so young and feisty) on August 1st.

So where have I been? I've been engulfed in the fragrance of love. I've been headsprung over something you couldn't imagine. I've reflected over the last several years of my life the last little while to resonate what's brought me to where I'm at now.

First off I've had the worlds best friend over the last few years who means the world to me. It's not often you find friends like this. Someone who will put you above them and always be there for you through the thick and the thin. You know friends who have characteristics that make you feel like a million bucks. Someone who always wants the best for you, who wants you to succeed, to be your best, to help them be their best, smiles and laughs off your stupid mistakes. You always wonder can this friend ever be replaced, and the answer is no. Friends like this can never be replaced. They'll always have a special place in your heart and mean the world to you. To this I say to that friend who may or may not even read this... You're my bestest friend ever and will always be my bestest friend. PS the three year picture is so darn cute!

Well as the road bumps and bucks you find yourself in a better place than you've ever been. I've got my shoes dried and cleaned and I'm ready for the stretch. I've got a brand new bag of tricks that can only make me stronger. I know what I got to be right now. I'm gonna be the best like I've always been. I got this dime piece that's more like a dub. She's like the iceberg that sunk the Titanic, watch out boats. I'm lucky she associates with me and gives me the time of day. I knew from the minute I shook this hand what was expected of me. Things never seemed so clear. It was like looking at 3D picture with the glasses and not having to bother crossing your eyes and doing all the crazy tricks to get the picture to pop of the page.

I got so many things to say I'll save it to my next blog. Let's just say I hope it doesn't take blogspot this long to let me post a blog. I still can't believe you haven't been getting my posts.

As I always do I leave with you the utmost feelings of my heart!

Adam

I'D LOVE TO SLAY ME SOME DUFFY, AND DRINK ME SOME WINEHOUSE!!!

2009-01-20T13:41:00.000-08:00

So let's be honest here... I'm really into music. Music of all kinds and all genres. Well all excluding that god awful sound that comes from the streets of Nashville, TN. Someone should have built a great big wall around that city to keep that "nails on a chalkboard" sound in. How can anyone really like country? Please someone answer it, anyone.

Well enough pissing about country that's not the reason behind this posting. The last month or more I've fallen in love with a genre of music to a degree that I never thought I could fall to. My one true love definitely falls with hip hop, and I'm not talking about the crap rap you here on your Power 98's, 106.5 The Beat's, 95 JamZ's, and your "Repeater 101.5" which I'm sure can be found in every FM signals reach. This radio stations absolutely bore me. It's almost like they pick 5 or 10 songs if that for the month and play them over and over and over and over and over and over and over... You get the point. My true hip hop love falls deep beneath the ground, seems why they call it underground... Some of it spills over on to Main Street but not to the level where you can hear it five times in an hour on the radio or on the radio at all. This isn't about hip hop so I need to move on. Just know that I'm trying to express this new love is a big thing for me to compare it to my love of hip hop.

The last month I've been engulfed with this genre. So much I created a new genre on my iPod for them all. I still haven't hammered down one name; I'm stuck between "awesome, fantastic, super, elegant, moving, etc...” you get the point. I'm not really making a new genre but I'm hooked.

I'm so hooked I've been buying all their CDs. That doesn't happen much anymore these days. I feel this strong will within to support their music because the ways these “Good Vibrations” reverberate off my ossicles. I couldn't bare the thought that one of them might quit doing what they're doing and go back to their day job.

This new love is for the female voice! Don't get me wrong nothing is ever better than a sexy female voice, but I've never been into like this before. I'm not talking about Brittany Spears and Christina Aguilera either!

Just to list a few of my new loves are:

Duffy
Amy Winehouse
Missy Higgins
Emily King
Sara Bareilles
Colbie Caillat
Tristan Prettyman
Adele
Clare Fader
Erin McKeown
Emiliana Torrini

There is a couple of handful of others too but these are just a few off the top of my head while I'm typing this. To these beautiful voices I bow my head in awe! I'm hooked! I'm serious, this doesn't happen. I haven't listened to hip hop in weeks because of these ladies. To some of you these ladies maybe nothing new but to those of you who haven't heard of them you're missing out. Duffy is my favorite of them all. I’m totally in love with her voice and her whole style. Her song “Stepping Stones” is amazing as well as “Warwick Avenue” and a list of other I’ll let you find yourself.

So my thoughts on all this are never leave a stone unturned because you never know what new love may be lying beneath. I'm so glad I didn't skip over Duffy... I owe my whole new passion to her song “Stepping Stones”

As always

P-Helps

TRAPPED IN A MAZE, THEREFORE I AM AMAZING

2009-01-08T18:19:00.000-08:00

The tittle says it the best... Oh how nice it is to be amazing! I promised y'all something amazing so here I am... I'm here to show up.

I'd first off like to thank the things that make me amazing... What is it that makes me amazing? Well besides the never ending supply of smiles, jokes, laughs and happiness. Let's just say it's the prodigious characteristics that best describe me.

Ok in all seriousness... My head's not really that big, it's bigger than you could even imagine. Now that I got this nonsense out of the way what truly makes me amazing would have to be best said as the amazing people that are in my life. If it isn't my beautiful mother, my amazing twin sister, my most adorable nieces, the crazy ex girlfriends that always find their way back into my life, or one of the many people or things I've forgotten to list here, let me be first to apologize for my inconsiderateness.

So what's the real big idea behind all of this? Life. Life is the big deal behind this. The last three months have been the most sobering months, literally... Quick somebody get me a drink so I can finish this. On second though better make it an apple juice. That's it! I think next time I'm at the bar I'm going to give my swaggering grin that you all know to well at the bar tender; male or female, and say "Hey, let me get an apple juice..." Better yet maybe I should slyly slip the bartender a five and whisper "I like my juice on the rocks." I'm sure I'd be pussyfooting around the bar all night after that.

So back to this so called "LIFE" we're talking about. Being the beginning of a new year, which I've coined the phrase "Divine in 09" lame yes I know but nothing is as "Great as 08" so it'll just have to do for now until something more crafty comes along.

As a new year reins in, one is brought to acknowledge the past 365 days and ask what the F%*^ did I accomplish. I'm not going to sit hear in throw up into your laps the things I accomplished this last year I'm just brought to the sobering thoughts of what I didn't accomplish. Does that ever happen to you when you set a lot of goals and then you do nothing to achieve them. I'm reading a book (bite me yes I'm reading a book) that talks about not only setting goals but yet how to achieve your goals one day at a time. So one day after reading I let my fingers and google go on a date and looked into goals and achieving goals and all sorts of things and found a quote that I liked;

*Nothing happens unless first we dream.*

Ok I'll have to admit I dreamed about you last night just don't tell your husbands if you're married. It'll keep this fictional relationship a little more alive inside this make believe world. Ah yes, to my mysterious Abby, I also dreamed of you last night. No tail goes untold for we all shall meet one day, for the warm sunny air you breath in PHX, I too as well breath that air in New Bern. Except mine kind of smells like the ocean. Maybe we should be friends on the "book of faces", maybe it's too soon for that.

So how do we live our lives to the fullest degree each day. How about we wake up for starters. Not just wake up, but when I wake up each morning breathing I think "hell yeah, I at least got one more day." So as I referred to setting goals and achieving them I ask, have you made any goals for this year. When you make your goals for this year actually make them. Don't just say this is what I'm going to do... Then sit with one thumb in your mouth and the other in your... Ask yourself how the hell am I going to do this? I did that this year and it sparked this life opening epiphany where it's almost like I could see into the future and see what I should do with my life and how I should do it. Now I need to just execute all these things and I should be alright.

So to those of you who read this I wish I could see your smiling faces once more... It's been to long, and the memory of your beautiful faces are beginning to smear as the watercolors on a canvas... Maybe I'll hop on a jet and see you tomorrow. Look out for me, I'll be standing on the corner holding a sign that reads "SUCCESSFUL MAN LOOKING FOR THE LACKING COMPANIONSHIP OF OTHERS" or maybe that would be to much, how about something like "SOMEBODY GIVE THIS DOG A BONE" Who knows maybe I'll live it all to surprise.

As always... This heart to your heart!

Adam

I SWEAR I SWEAR THERE'S SOMETHING GOOD INSIGHT FOR TOMORROW

2009-01-07T20:44:00.000-08:00

WHY TO THIS I WRITE TO MY DEAREST FRIENDS... HOW BLESSED THE DAY! THIS HERE IS MERELY A PRECURSOR TO SOMETHING GREAT. I HAVE SOME MIGHT EXCITING THINGS TO TALK ABOUT BUT I'M GOING TO WAIT TILL TOMORROW TO POST THEM. I JUST WANTED A FEW OTHER PEOPLE TO BE AS EXCITED AS I AM FOR THIS POST...

SO TO THIS I SAY ME DEAR FRIENDS, "HOLD ON, PULL UP YOUR PANTS, AND TIE YOUR SHOES BECAUSE TOMORROW I'M GOING TO BLOW YOUR SOCKS OFF..." WELL AT LEAST I HOPE. NOW I FEEL THIS EMINENCE AMOUNT OF PRESSURE TO SHOW UP AND TO PREFORM! TO THIS I TAKE A KNEE, PLACE MY HAT OVER MY HEART, AND LOOK UP TO THE SKY AS IF I WAS A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE AND SAY THANK YOU AND KISS MY INDEX AND MIDDLE FINGER IN SOME KIND OF GESTURE AS IF IT'S A THANKS TO GOD...

ADAM

PS... I FOUND THIS PICTURE UNDER EXCITED!!! YOU SHOULD BE LIKE THESE GUYS!!

THE SEXY GIRL WHO DOESN'T TALK BACK

2008-12-21T19:23:00.000-08:00

Recently I've fallen in love with a girl who I guess we could say never talks back. She does what I ask unceasingly with no hesitation. Well sometimes she hesitates but really it's no more than a few short seconds. I've only gotten mad at her once which seems like the perfect relationship. She's vibrant and full of color. She never responds when I tell her I love her which leads me to believe she's afraid of commitment. I can understand we've only been together for a couple weeks now, and I could be taking it kind of fast but truthfully I never want to be without her again. When she talks to me I feel this level of comfort I've never felt before... It's like we were meant to be together. I don't know what was taking me so long to commit for but I'm so glad I did.

To this post I write to the girl that never talks back. She guides me to where I need to go and she takes me all the places I want to go. Without her I'd be lost and for this I say... GARMIN, I LOVE YOU!!!

Adam

MY LONG LOST POST...

2008-12-11T14:05:00.000-08:00

The last few weeks have been crazy to say the least. Between Thanksgiving, finishing up working in Raleigh, moving to New Bern, NC, and the man sitting beside me asking how to spell "security" who’s browsing the "onlinebootycall" website I don't know where to start.

How about I work in reverse... I feel privileged to be a grown man and not have to sound out my words still... Unless I'm spelling words like Methionylthreonylthreonylglutaminylala... which I'm pretty sure those PHD holders throw darts at a board when coming up with a name for chemicals. What I'm getting at is how privileged I am to have an education. I see many around me who aren't afforded the same opportunities and I see where it really is a great blessing. A blessing to know how to spell, punctuate sentences, read, write, use proper grammar, think correctly and who knows what else. As I sit here and listen to this man sound out words that I'm pretty sure my nine year old niece can spell I can only feel blessed.

Among something else that I feel blessed for at this time is the blessing of employment. How grateful it is to have job and not just a job but a good job in this time of turmoil. Many of those around us aren't as fortunate as us to be blessed with employment. Earlier today I overheard a conversation of a couple saying they only had $18.12 left. Wow, holy hell I don't know what I would do if I looked at my account and that's all I had left. I mean I've definitely been there before when you look at the account and you're like "whoa that's all I got left", but that was in times of college and that never really happened.

Well time to move on since he's gone from onlinebootycall.com to now onlineaffairs.com! I hope for his sake he does get laid whether it's online, in person or with just himself. HAHAHA I'm sorry that was bad but I can't help it, the man is talking out loud about where he's at and what he's looking at. The poor mans' biggest struggle in life is trying to figure out the perfect nickname for the affair website. I wish that was my biggest struggle! I was going to help him and give him a name to use but it's pretty humoring to listen to all the names he's trying to come up with that aren't working for him. I'm doing some serious "LOLing" in this little booth. He just sounded out the next site he's at... "www.bigbitches.com" I don't recommend you going there and surfing the site. I just asked him if he needed some help to see what exciting might happen and I got to type while he dictated the "a little about me" part of his profile. I wouldn't dare write on my blog what I typed for him. Well I'm really going to move on I could write this entire blog about this guy.

Well my life has been quite interesting to say the least. I've been living in Raleigh, NC since July, until the beginning of December, and now that I have finished covering for Rachel, who was on maternity leave I am now out in my territory on New Bern, NC. I just moved here last weekend and all I have to say as I am so in love with New Bern. I'm pretty sure I just found my resting place. This town reminds me of Logan, UT just without all the Mormons and a lot more black people... And the fact that it's on the Pamlico Sound which just so happens connects to the Atlantic Ocean. It's nice being on the coast of North Carolina and being only 40 mins from some of the best beaches this country has to offer.

After moving to New Bern, to find out from the roommate that the landlord was selling the house and I no longer had a place to live, needless to say I was a little pissed, maybe almost worried. Though put your trust and faith and Him who is above and things will work out as they should. I luckily found a place in downtown New Bern, which is where I initially wanted to be since it's the Historic District with all the old houses and downtown life. Let's just say this... It's the Shiznito! It works out perfectly too. My roommate who happens to be in his 50's is actually married and lives in Wilmington, NC which is south coast and he's only here Monday night through Thursday night for work and then he's gone home for the weekend. You can find me on Google Earth Here. Don't be jealous even though I can sense it, there's a little bit of jealousy in your reading... I'm pretty sure I'm in love with where I'm at. Now the goal is to just work hard and keep my job forever I suppose. People have told me they get burnt out and tired of what we do. I just chuckle and say well consider me one of the few that plans to stay here and do what I do for what I make.

As I awoke to my alarm clock and then sat in be reading for awhile before I decided to get up and get ready for the day. I was reading the account of Alma and Amulek, and there account of calling upon the people of Ammonihah. What great faith they had! To stand strong as the priest and lawyers tried to contend with them and catch them in their words so they could kill them. Think of how strong their faith was in the power of God. I was pondering while reading and asked myself... "How strong is my faith in the power of God?" "Do I put all trust in the God?" "Am I one to always stand for what I believe in with nothing wavering?" These are the questions that I thought about as I drove around today for work and thought back to the last few years and how I lacked in the areas I questioned, but how I've worked diligently the last while to exemplify those things. I think it brings great comfort to the soul to know that one is on the right path and doing what's important not only to them but to the man upstairs. You can't make up for the time that you've lost in your past but you can work hard and diligently throughout the rest of your life and do what you know you should be doing. I can't help but to be thankful for the blessings I've been given in my life. I need to do what is important now to show thanks and gratitude for that in which I've been given. I extend that challenge to you to everyday wake up and throughout your day do what is important to show you're thankful for what you've been given.

With these words I leave you:

May the roads rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rain fall soft upon your fields
And, until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

Yours always and truly

Adam

TO WHOM THIS MAY CONCERN

2008-11-17T17:46:00.000-08:00

To this I write to those in whom it may concern. To you I write with feelings of love and compassion and with feelings of gratitude.

I want to share with you my love and share it with you endlessly. I want you to understand that I reach out to you with the deepest fiber of my soul to tell you that I love you, and that "To Love is to be Free, To be Free is to Listen, and to Listen is the greatest way to say I love you." -Phelps

When one truly finds themselves they must ask where, how and in which way they did. One must search deep to find out the meaning of these things because this will help one to find out what one truly wants in life. You must ask yourself "what do I want in life?" Do you see the glass half full or do you see the glass half full...

Why would someone ever want to see the glass as half empty. Life is full of so many opportunities and maybe at times it seems like things might not be the best or that things will never go your way, but you must realize that everything happens for a reason... A good friend of mine and I have a saying, "coincidence, I think not." I think life is full of many decisions and it's up to us to choose which path we take. We're here for a reason and although at times it may seem difficult, that's when we need to dig out heels in and hold on.

I have been asking myself a lot lately "what do I want in life?" Over the last six months I've come to know myself again. The person I was four years ago. Somebody that knew what they wanted and had goals to achieve it, but when things didn't quite work out like I thought they should I panicked and ran from what I wanted. I've spent the last three years of my life running from who I wanted to be. I suppose the thought of what I wanted to be and could be was to great for me to handle at that point in my life and instead of embracing it and cultivating it, I did what any insecure person would do and ran from what I truly wanted.

In the words of a good man, no the words of a great man... "Oh God, look out into the beauties of nature and comfort your heart with that which must be - Love demands everything and that very justly - thus it is to me with you, and to your with me. But you forget so easily that I must live for me and for you; if we were wholly united you would feel the pain of it as little as I - My journey was a fearful one; I did not reach here until 4 o'clock yesterday morning. Lacking horses the post-coach chose another route, but what an awful one; at the stage before the last I was warned not to travel at night; I was made fearful of a forest, but that only made me the more eager - and I was wrong. The coach must needs break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road. Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight horses that I had with four - Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome difficulties - Now a quick change to things internal from things external. We shall surely see each other soon; moreover, today I cannot share with you the thoughts I have had during these last few days touching my own life" -Beethoven

Yes this is a love letter from a great man to his dearly beloved who he is away from but when I read it I found the meaning and the symbolization of my life within his words. From my journey was fearful, to arriving at 4 o'clock (maybe Beethoven's and My 4 o'clock are different things) I still have arrived at something that I am striving for. I with my carriage have chosen another path through the darkness of night and I can tell you that it is truly a dark path in the woods with no light for direction. As he so elegantly says "The coach must needs break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road. Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight horses that I had with four - Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome difficulties." Yes there were pleasures along the road, but as he says "a bottomless mud road" which it truly is.

What I say to you at this time is I am indeed grateful for you. I'm thankful that you read this. If not these words just go unread but if they do go unread it would only be a loss to the reader. I truly gain so much from writing these thoughts down and I hope you receive the same joys and blessings from these words as I do. At this time I leave you with these words "Cheer up - remain my true, my only treasure, my all as I am yours. The gods must send us the rest, what for us must and shall be"

Your Faithful

Adam

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS...

2008-11-11T12:16:00.001-08:00

Duhhh, When life gives you lemons, you paint that shit gold!

Well for the last few weeks I've pondered a lot of things. I've pondered things about me, I've pondered things about other people, and I've even pondered things about things that aren't about anything.

So what am I pondering today? I think today I marvel at the simple beauties in life. I do apologize that I have left my blog postless for sometime now. I've actually written several blogs since the last but when I'm done if I didn't fall asleep while writing it I ended up deleting it in the morning because I didn't feel like posting it because the moment had past and my feelings had changed.

Isn't it quite dumbfounding how thoughts change your words, your feelings, your actions, or even others feelings and actions. I have this very dear friend who is my bestest bestest friend in the whole wide world. I could say a million things about her, because simple for a lack of better words "she's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" or one could say docious ali exp listic fragi cali super...

Really this friend means the world to me and if you watched the entire video that the link took you to you would wish you had a friend like this. This is the friend that I wrote about back in October because this friend is quite amazing.

Well moving on to something that's been on my mind a lot is forgiveness. The power of forgiveness is a very strong and soul wrenching feeling. Forgiveness is said to be "the process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and ceasing to demand punishment or restitution." I've been struggling for the last few weeks about forgiving myself really. I've made some stupid decisions in my life and although I never regret a decision or choice I've made because great meaning and enlightenment has come from those decisions whether they were good or bad. I just wish that I could have learned those lessons from making wise decisions. It's said that smart people learn from their mistakes, but a wise man learns from others mistakes."

All decisions have consequences and what we do and learn from those consequences is what defines our character. By forgiving ourselves; although, it may seem hard and unattainable at times it is possible. You have to break yourself from those thoughts of imperfections and the thoughts that there's no chance for you. I've learned not to beat yourself up over things. Yes that is the part of the process of forgiving yourself but after so much you have to put it in the past in move on from it so that burden can be lifted. Tupac said it best himself when he said "You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situations; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the F* on."

So I bid you "la paz a su alma" until the next time we meet; whether it be here or there, in this life or after, if you are reading this I love you. I can say that with true conviction because I'm pretty sure I know who reads these and I express my love and gratitude to you. I thank each of you for the examples that you set whether that example be tangible or intangible. Just know you are an example when you least expect it.

EN SU SERVICIO

2008-10-22T19:27:00.000-07:00

Today I got to stand in and be in the service of another. I was driving from one doctor's office to another heading west on I-40 when I see a VW Jetta on the side of the road and a woman standing outside on the phone. So instinctively I pulled off the highway and walked back to her car to ask her if she was ok and if she need some help. I asked her if she had a flat and she said she did. I said no problem I'll take care of it. When I got to the tire it wasn't just flat, it was annihilated... I found a picture that best represented what the tire looked like...

She says to me... "I probably should have pulled off sooner, but I didn't realize that I even had a flat" I looked at her and said, "but you were driving on the rim." I'm surprised she didn't get in an accident.

Well the incident isn't the reason for this post but more the meaning behind what one can learn through the incident.

What does it mean to be selfless? How about "devoted to others' welfare or interest and not one's own," How do we teach ourselves to be selfless though? Some of us our born with the innate sense of being selfless and the concern for the welfare of others. I like to think that I have these qualities but I do have to constantly think of how I can serve those around me.

"A selfless person is one who is more concerned about the happiness and well-being of another than about his or her own convenience or comfort, one who is willing to serve another when it is neither sought for nor appreciated, or one who is willing to serve even those whom he or she dislikes. A selfless person displays a willingness to sacrifice, a willingness to purge from his or her mind and heart personal wants, and needs, and feelings. Instead of reaching for and requiring praise and recognition for himself, or gratification of his or her own wants, the selfless person will meet these very human needs for others." (Peterson)

So I challenge everyone to look for those ways in which you can truly develop selflessness. When you wake up in the morning ask for those opportunities to serve, don't just ask for them, but when they are placed before you act on them. I will tell you this. When you server your fellow brothers and sisters you will be rewarded with things that can't be described. Remember though to remain humble in your service and to serve for the right purpose and not for the praise of man. Keep these experiences to yourself and learn from them. Teach yourself to always be concerned for others and to seek the opportunities to serve them.

AU L'UN QUI SIGNIFIE LE PLUS

2008-10-21T20:25:00.000-07:00

I just happen to have the best friend in the World if you were wondering. If you weren't wondering then you obviously should be wondering why my friend is so much better than your friend.

My friend is better than your friend... Don't believe me, you will after this.

I've got a friend that wont give in,
I've got a friend that's way to kind,
I've got a friend who makes me smile,
I've got a friend that makes me laugh,
I've got a friend that's never sad,
I've got a friend that's never mad,
I've got a friend that's always glad,
I've got a friend that's way to glad,
I've got a friend that's always there,
I've got a friend who loves to stair,
I've got a friend that's way to fair,
I've got a friend I can't describe,
I've got a friend you can't describe,
I've got a friend that's better than you,
I've got a friend that's better than me,
I've got a friend if you can see,
I got a friend that's best for me...

It can only be best put in words from the Stone Temple Pilots... "If you should die before me, ask if you can bring a friend."

AS THE FOG CLEARS

2008-10-15T22:03:00.000-07:00

Day 9,141 of my life...

As you're waiting for the fog to clear do you turn on the fog lights, do you turn on your brights, or maybe you're real daring and turn the lights completely off?

However you chose to wait for the fog to clear is your choice, but what makes you feel the safest? I kind of look at driving with your lights off is like running with scissors in both hands... You're only destined to trip and skewer yourself some place unfortunate like the kidneys, the eye, your upper lip, or most unfortunate the heart. How many times have we skewered ourselves in the heart? Maybe not with a pair of scissors intentionally, but maybe with how we treat ourselves. Do we wake up in the morning stretch, look in the mirror, and say "damn I can't wait to break my own heart today?"

I feel that lately to often I've "been breaking my own heart." Maybe not physically twisting and pulling and "breaking" my heart, but with the way I treat myself could be looked at and classified as "breaking my own hear." I feel that seeing myself one way and only pondering what I should, could, and want to become, but then laughing and mocking my own thoughts and blowing myself off. If we get mad when someone blows us off, why don't we get mad when we blow ourselves off?

You might ask, but how do I blow myself off, Adam? It's simple actually to blow oneself off. Do you ever tell yourself I'm going to do this, I'm going to live my life this way, or maybe even go to bed saying... "Tomorrow is going to be a new day"? Then we wake up, fall short and forget everything we just told ourselves the night before. IE "blowing oneself off"

We've all done it so don't be afraid to admit it to yourself that you've on occasion blown yourself off for something that you thought was better. I've done if for the last three years. How do I stop blowing myself off you might ask... The first step, as with most first steps... realizing you have a problem. Do you treat yourself with respect? Do you wake up and look in the mirror and ask, "What can I do today to become a better person?" Maybe it can start with just listening to what you have to say to yourself and stop blowing off that little voice inside that so many like to call a conscious. I used to think I didn't have a conscious until one day recently I realized that it wasn't that I didn't have a conscious, it was just that I was to busy blowing it off and doing whatever it was that I wanted to do.

So when you begin to have this self realization of blowing yourself off and that maybe you should listen to yourself, do you turn on the brights or the fog lights? What's the difference in using the brights over the fog lights? I'm not sure if you're aware of what happens when you turn on your brights in the fog but if you're not, you can't see much but a white cloud directly in front of you that you can't see through. So I believe that turning on the brights is almost like focusing on just an isolated problem. You're only seeing the problem that is directly in front of you, and you're not seeing the whole picture and the way out of your problem.

We're not focusing on the root of our problems when using our brights. Sure with the brights we can see really well for about five feet but what happens when we round the next corner and didn't happen to see the 12 reindeer pulling a red sleigh in the middle of the road? I'll tell you what happens, you have about 3 or 4 billion upset little kids (minus those of the Jewish and Jehovah Witness Faith who could care less of the accident). All though, we do have to focus on the problems that are immediately in front of us, we must see past those problems and see that we are greater than these problems and can get through them with "a little help with our fog lights."

When we turn off the brights and turn on the fog lights we're able to see the road and our problems that are directly in front of us, but we're also able to see the roots to our problems and the way past them. We are able to see with greater detail the two yellow lines and how to work our way through the fog that we may at one point drive until the fog clears. That's what this is about. Staying on course until you've cleared the fog. Just because you've cleared the fog doesn't mean the fog isn't going to come back but helps you see what lies past the fog. If we use our fog lights and constantly focus on getting through the fog we may indeed one day drive on a road where we see signs that say "welcome to the fogless road, a road that will never become foggy on you and you can drive without any impairment." Now that's the road I'm looking for.

I've been stuck driving in the fog on the belt line for the last few years but I've now decided to turn on my fog lights and look for my exit. The fog may still be around but I truly am looking for my exit. I'm pretty sure it's just up ahead somewhere on the right. When the fog clears some more I'm sure I wont miss it this time and I'll be just fine, but until then I'm going to drive with my fog lights on and look for the green sign on the right that reads "Exit 7". Exit seven you ask? Do you're own research... I know why I'm looking for exit seven!

For those of you who read this... I express my love, my gratefulness, my sincerity, my heart, and my passions to you... May we all one day "Realize why we're looking for Exit 7 and do it without blowing ourselves off amidst the fog.

A WHOLE NEW WORLD!!!

2008-10-13T21:45:00.001-07:00

I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride

Sometimes I just wish I had a carpet full of magic. If I had a carpet full of magic I'd give rides, and not just to extremely hot princesses named Jasmine. It'd be more like a come one come all on my magic carpet ride... "Sorry, limited seating available"

Would I have to turn those away who truly needed a ride, or would I "make a little room"? What about the hitch hikers? Where would they sit? How about on the laps of all the pretty princesses named Jasmine or Yasmin! Oh yeah and there's no judging aloud on my magic carpet ride! I'd have to put a sign in front of every seat that said "Judgers beware lest ye be thrown from this Magic Carpet Ride from extremely high altitudes!"

So this brings me to my real question... Is a Magic Carpet ride the ticket to free oneself? Is this my ticket out? Probably not because I'm pretty sure when I needed it I'd have to tell the princess and the bums "Sorry, my rugs in the shop you think I could get a ride."

My rug isn't really in the shop, it was just made to look that way. Like temptation, is it really all it's cracked up to be? Of course it is! It's there and if your wearing horse blinders please take them off because it's all around us and there's no way to hide it.

From the words of one of my truly enlightened brothers... "Yea, why should I give way to temptation, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?"

Do we let temptation get us down. If so dial 555-ADAM and I'll be by on my Magic Carpet to give you a ride. I say let not temptation get the best of you but you get the best of temptation. Stand up for what you believe I've found and do what's right. Show your true colors at all times and if your colors have faded over the years, quick grab a marker and do you best to brighten them up.

Just remember on my Magic Carpet ride, we'll fly over the roof tops "Over, sideways and under" singing;

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming

A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But, now, from way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you

Trust me that's what we'll sing and we'll sing it from the roof tops, the mountain tops, and maybe even atop the "A"! But for now I'd like to tell you "au revoir" "adiós" "Tschüs" and "ciao"

Today's enlightenment... "See above paragraphs"

DRUNK WITH SOBERNESS

2008-10-12T07:50:00.000-07:00

Can I have a Big Dog of Soberness please?!?

When you're sitting at the bar of life what do you ask for to drink? Do you ask for something that makes you lose you balance and fall of your stool, or do you ask for a big glass of soberness to help you sit up straight on your stool and help those around you.

Do you find yourself looking around at those stumbling across the room trying to make their way to the bathroom, the girl covering her mouth as hard as she can as she runs to the bathroom hoping she won't throw up before she makes it to the bathroom, or the belligerent man sling his arms as the security staff escorts him off the property?

As the reality check begins to set in as I sip on my glass of soberness I can't help but ask myself, how did I get to this point in my life? Where and what was it that made me decided to choose the left and not quite the right? What got me from point A to point B? Me! I got me from point A to point B, I decided to choose the left but why? A since of disrespect for oneself will get you to this point.

How do you find that sense of respect for oneself again though? Is it through much deliberation and inner soul searching? I believe it takes time to work on ones inner self. I don't think it happens over night either. I believe the need for a sense of change may come over night but whether or not you're willing to take that sense and run with it is up to you!

Today's enlightenment... "ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened"

FEEL FREE TO BE FREE

2008-10-09T21:08:00.000-07:00

I was thinking today the true meaning behind being free. What does being free really mean. Webster says to be free means "not determined by anything beyond its own nature or being : choosing or capable of choosing for itself" it can also be an adjective, a transitive verb, an adverb, and even a verb. The UrbanDictionary however defines free as "How chinese people say three".

What does it truly mean to be free though?

Does it mean that you live your life in a way that you're free from all temptation? Does it mean that you seek to find the greater meaning behind what it truly feels like to "be free"?

As I ponder what being free means to me, I can't help but think it has to be a life with no bars. Physical steal bars, bars & pubs where you meet guys named Micky, or just plain figurative bars that we build around ourselves without even know we're doing it. When we build these figurative bars around us are we doing this to keep other out of our life or are we doing it to keep ourselves out of finding our own true potential?

Is being free simply the right for one to chose his own destiny and the right to making ones own decisions? Do we let others decided our freedom without even knowing it sometimes? I believe that we let society and others decided our freedom sometimes. I feel that to truly be free, one must not say three... but stand up in that exact moment when they should and make the choice that makes one feel most free inside.

Take down your bars... and as the world turns so shall you with it, freely!

Today's enlightenment... "To set yourself free, you must truly forgive yourself of all things!" -Adam Phelps

AS THE LEAVES FALL

2008-10-08T17:33:00.000-07:00

Do you ever find yourself thinking as the leaves fall I should start turning them over? Well the last few days I've spent much time trying to turn them over.

I've found myself in the middle of an internal debate. What's right and what's wrong. Obviously I've always been good at making the wrong decisions and thinking that everything was alright with things being that way. Today though, I search for deeper meaning. I want to find myself who I've lost within myself. I need to find Adam.

I've begun to do the things that used to be important to me... The things that once were important that turned into frivolous things of the past. I am going to blog my journey to the never ending land of happiness and you're more than welcome to follow along. I don't have anyone that looks at my blog so I'm pretty sure this is going to be me plotting this so I can come back to read it for myself.

Please feel free to add your input or to shed light on any area of things you feel compelled to.

Today's enlightenment... "Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exrcise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him."

The Hunt For Job October

2008-04-22T14:20:00.000-07:00

Day 8,970 of my life...

Well today is yet another day much like the ones that preceded this one and I'm sure it'll be just like the ones to come. In the midst of the hunt for a job you begin to realize how much looking for a job sucks. Then one can only come to terms that once they find a job and begin working it sucks twice as much.

Why can't we live like bums and be happy? The pursuit of happiness seems to me like it turns into the pursuit of a living hell that haunts you the rest of your life. Don't get me started on being responsible either... Responsible Smoncible! That's what I say to growing up. Why can't I just hang out with my friends without a guilty conscience that I'm not living up to my potential? It should really be called "The Pursuit of Contentment" I think. Everyone is striving to achieve a level of contentment that would satisfy their needs to be whatever the hell they really want to be.

Well as for me... I gotta get back to looking for a J.O.B. Or my mom just might think I'm not being responsible!

Free Mischa Barton... ;)

My very first blog...

2008-04-08T15:34:00.000-07:00

Well I never in a million bagillion years thought I'd be blogging... It's funny what random spur of the moment clicks will do for you. This started of as a click to look into working a google blog, A job I knew I was way not qualified for. Though look what it has done! Brought me into the wonderful world of blogging... Oh you just wait! There's plenty more to come kidz!